If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
