White coat. Heels.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
