So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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