That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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