No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
