Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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