he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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