5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
