theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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