Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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