I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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