i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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