I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
