There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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