THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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