I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I understand Curling. That high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
