I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
