wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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