I think my fart just growled at me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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