dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
