My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
