New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
