Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found puke in my bra..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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