Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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