Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
