Need sex. Gaining weight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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