so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
