my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
