i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
