I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
