fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
