I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
