Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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