Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
