i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
