I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
