mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
