we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
