Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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