there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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