My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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