FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
