we have pet lesbian snakes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
