Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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