I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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