Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
