let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
