I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
