he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
