no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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