Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i believe in u and ur pee
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