it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
