so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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