After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
