it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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